UFC 158: St-Pierre vs. Diaz - Post Analysis

With the last card of March officially in the books, we give UFC 158 a look back to see where all the involved parties could be potentially moving going forward...

Moving Forward for the MAIN CARD

Georges St-Pierre vs. Nick Diaz - GSP is who we thought he was...despite the pre-fight talk from Diaz which visibly annoyed GSP, we did not see the champ off the rails at any point in the affair as he dominated Diaz for five rounds.  As expected, we saw a lot of takedowns and positional control from St. Pierre, Diaz didn't really work too fast in the first two rounds to either prevent, get up from, or generate offense from his back off the takedowns.  Rounds three and four however did see better offense from Diaz as he seemed to wake up a bit, stuff a few takedown attempts and begin to create range with his shots.  GSP to his credit did stand and trade with Diaz for almost half the fight, even getting the better of a few exchanges in maybe several instances, however it did look like GSP was fatigued by this a few times as well.  An impressive performance from GSP, however Condit arguably gave him a tougher fight, Diaz could have benefited from more action earlier however he never got it to the level to ever impose any danger to the champ unfortunately.  GSP vs Hendricks conceivably could be ready to go in Vegas by the fall or even the end of the year.  As for Diaz, I'd just love to see him in interesting fights (maybe Josh Koscheck?) as any top ranked WW right know will likely be too strong for him.  Then again, there is always lightweight....hmmmm...

Carlos Condit vs. Johny Hendricks - This was clearly a fight of the year candidate, so much action on the feat, takedowns, scrambles, a highly technical bout despite Hendricks winging wild shot at Condit as he chased him all over the cage.  If wasn't as sloppy as Bermudez vs Grice or even Silva vs Stann, but satisfying on many levels especially considering the rank of the fighters and the prize at stake (#1 contendership).  GSP vs Hendricks is now definitely in the the immediate future while Condit likely can get any rematch he might like to get back in the win column (vs. Ellenberger, vs Kampmann, vs Diaz, etc).

Jake Ellenberger vs. Nate Marquardt - Like Johny Hendricks, Jake Ellenberger is the real deal.  High level wrestling, great athleticism, bombs for fists.  Marquardt might have protested the stoppage initially but there was no mistaking that he was put to sleep by Ellenberger thunderous fists.  Another big win would likely thrust Ellenberger back into title contention, a rematch with Condit could be good or even a potential scrap with Strikeforce champ Tarec Safferdine.  As for Marquardt, two brutal beats at welterweight don't help his cause, however he is a name fighter so I think he get another shot at maybe a mid-tier WW as he clearly is not in the top 10 any longer.

Chris Camozzi vs. Nick Ring - This could have been a much more exciting fight but alas both men just really couldn't pull the trigger on the high level action, however it still as a decently technical fight.  Was surprised how Ring kept his hand so low throughout, could have cost him some in the judges eyes as he did end up eating some shots from that.  I think Camozzi is deserving of a Top 10 after a streak of 4, maybe Hector Lombard would be interesting, as for Ring I'd like to see him scrap with some of the UFC's Brazilian talent.

Colin Fletcher vs. Mike Ricci was about as boring as I expected it to be, neither man really being overly aggressive in terms of looking for a finish or to do anything exceptionally threatening.  I don't know why this was on the PPV in the first place.  While I was hoping Fletcher might pull a crafty sub from the bottom he was finely out boxed by Ricci who just looked more technically proficient in all areas.  I think we'll see Fletcher at least one more time likely on a TV card overseas while I think Ricci will probably get an lower tier opponent on the main card of another TV event. 

Stars from the PRELIMINARY CARD

TJ Dillashaw - Great finish from the surging bantamweight, really starting to gain some momentum in the division, I think a bout vs the loser of next month's Mike Easton vs. Brad Pickett match makes a lot of sense here.

Rick Story - It was nice to see the Rick Story of old show up again in Montreal, a win and a respectable finish should help him right the ship back into the waters of contendership once more.  However Story still needs to gain some more steam to be in the top of the division again.  A bouts vs Jordan Mein would be great however instead of interrupting the rise of a potential new prospect, now might be the time of a redux of the Marquardt vs Story.

Jordan Mein - It should be noted that Dan Miller had never been finished by strikes before he ran into Jordan Mein.  Impressive debut from another Strikeforce prospect, Mein looked pretty imposing at welterweight.  As much as I'd really like to see him in there with a decent, powerful striker though, a bout with Dong Hyun Kim might work best.

Darren Elkins - Despite the controvesial stoppage, under review of replay is was warranted as Carvalho was very likely not going to be improving his position any so he was essentially saved from unneeded punishment.  Elkins is one of the few featherweights on a strike of any significance right now.  A top 10, if not top 5 opponent is warranted.  Why not Chad Mendes since all his other opponents appear to drop out due to illness for one reason or another.

UFC 158: St-Pierre vs. Diaz - Live Blog & Results

Date: March 16, 2013
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Venue: Bell Centre

It's 6:33 and we are live for the bouts on Facebook!  Waiting on a food order as we start things off on the prelim card.

PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 6:35 p.m. ET)

Reuben Duran (8-4-1) vs. George Roop (12-9-1) - Round 1: Roop starts off aggressive taking the center of the octogon, plenty of kicks early.  A few stun Duran a bit, but he maintains distanace, might be having a hard time getting in on Roop's reach.  1-2 combo by Duran hurts Roop a bit.  Duran establishing the inside leg kick before getting the first takedown of the match.  Duran has some trouble passing the guard as Roop works to establish wrist control.  Mostly hanging out in the guard, little action from Duran, some good elbows from the bottom by Roop.  Half guard pass by Duran right before the end of round.  Duran 10-9.

Round 2: More kicks to start by both men, flying knee attempt by Roop which Duran catches and drives him into the fence for a battle of position.  Roop spins around and takes back control on Duran, drags him to the ground.  Roop trying to get his arms across Duran's chin from the back, Duran eventually get spun around and moves the fight to the feet and back into a battle of the fence.  Both men trade blows in the center before Duran gets another takedown on a failed high kick by Roop.  Looking like the end of the previous round again, Duran not doing much to move past the guard of Roop while he does some work with elbows and submission attempts from the bottom.  Roop moves them towards the fence so he can get the fight back on the feet.  They end the round jocking for position on the fence.  Hard round to score, I'll give it Roop 10-9 for getting a takedown first and being more active on the ground.

Round 3:  Roop front kick to start, tied up by Duran and driven into the fence for a brief takedown, they eventually move back on their feet.  Roop pressing Duran into the cage establishing to elbows and punches.  They continue to jock position while Roop continues to get a number of blows in slowly and methodically.  Roop eventually get a takedown on Duran moving into his guard, pushing him into the fence.  Duran moves it back onto the feet, another takedown by Roop following by a quick explosion back to the feet by Duran.  More fighting on the fence as Duran pushes Roop into the cage looking to work another takedown while Roop tries to get his back off the cage.  Few good knees by Roop, both men look pretty tired.  Mostly Duran holding Roop on the cage as the buzzer rings to signal the end of the fight.  Not pretty but I think I have to give it to Roop for working more and landing more blows.  Roop 10-9, Unanimous Decision 29-28.

Result: 29-28, 29-28, 30-27 Unanimous Decision for George Roop

TJ Dillashaw (6-1) vs. Issei Tamura (7-3) - Round 1: Dillashaw takes the center to start, they stalk around the octogon a bit with some posturing.  Tamura goes for an overhand right and is taken down by Dillashaw.  They grapple a bit on the mat near the cage, Dillashaw works to try and the back, drives Tamura into the cage.  Brief takedown once more by Dillashaw and then back to the feet.  They work on the cage for several minutes, Tamura trying in vein to get off his back before the referee separates them with a minute left.  High kick attempt by Dillashaw, misses, another try and misses again.  He chases Tamura around the cage a bit with some punches and kicks to end the round, not much landing.  Dillashaw 10-9.

Round 2:  Dillashaw takes the center again.  Throws a solid knee at Tamura that lands pretty flush, flows up with some ground and pound into the cage to end it.  Replays show the knee might have been a failed kick.  Regardless, another nice win at Bantamweight by Dillashaw  

Result: Dillashaw via TKO, Round 2 (0:26)

Quinn Mulhern (18-2) vs. Rick Story (14-6) - Round 1: Story starts off stalking Mulhern, some stand up early sends him briefly to the mat.  Story continues to pressure the action, landing occasional shots, pushing forward.  Good combos from Story, not respecting the stand up much of Mulhern, eating a few shots here and there.  A few powerful leg kicks from Story, a lot of lunging over hand shots as well.  Hurts Mulhern with a body shot, punch in the eye in the middle of a few combos before Story swarms him with shots on the ground.  

Result:  Rick Story via TKO, Round 1 (3:05)

PRELIMINARY CARD (on FX @ 8 p.m. ET)

Daron Cruickshank (12-2) vs. John Makdessi (10-2) - Round 1: Alright we got the Detroit Superstar clashing with The Bull to start off the FX card, hopefully should provide some fireworks.  Lots of posturing to start from both men.  A few low kicks.  Some boos from the crowd.  Makdessi maintain control of the center.  More boos, louder this time.  A few strikes landed by Cruickshank.  A few blows traded.  Exchanging control of the center.  Low blow by Makdessi, unintentional.  Short break and they resume.  A few more kicks traded.  Spinning backfist missed by Cruickshank, takedown stuffed by Makdessi.  High kick to the head missed by Cruickshank as they exchange a few shot to end the round.  Hard to call but I would say Makdessi controlled the fight more, 10-9.

Round 2: They gauge distance, head kick by Cruickshank.  A leg kick by Makdessi to the body, as they posture around the center.  Makdessi controlling again, keeping Cruickshank at a distance with jab and kick.  Some boos.  Spinning back kick to body partially lands on Cruickshank, a few more shot to the mid section follow up.  Makdessi continues to maintain center control with good range established by his shots.  Flying kick by Cruickshank misses as the two men trade shots to end the round.  Makdessi 10-9.

Round 3:  Both men trade shots in the center to start the round, a few shots countered by Makdessi.  Cruickshank tipped up on a kick, Makdessi lets him up.  Spinning wheel kick missed by Cruickshank.  Makdessi controls the center with his jab, lands several blows to the body on Cruickshank as he briefly takes to the ground before being forced up due to inactivity.  More jab work by Makdessi as the men trade more shots around the cage.  Spinning backfist attempt by Makdessi who ends up getting poked in the eye.  A short rest, warning to Cruickshank by the referee.  They resume and some punches and a kick from Makdessi land.   Several spinning kick from Cruickshank miss their target, Makdessi follows up heavy and agressive to end the round.  Makdessi 10-9, should take the unanimous decision 30-27.

Result: 29-28, 29-28, 29-28 Unanimous Decision for John Makdessi

Jordan Mein (26-8) vs. Dan Miller (14-6) - Round 1: More American on Canadian action continues on the prelim card.  A few punches and a low kick by Miller start off the action.  Mein establishing some range.  Missed hook from Mein into a takedown by Miller who begins to work to pass guard and sweeps Mein over into a deep armbar attempt which Mein fights out of and gets the action back on their feet.  Both men trade some shots, Mein misses a wild step in punch.  Miller misses on a combo.  They both trade punches around the center.  Mein levers Miller with an overhand left.  Lets Miller get back up after a brief pause.  Mein stalks Milelr around looking to pick his shots.   Miller getting pushed back towards the cage, Mein pursues and drops Miller again with shots, follows up and finishes with brutal ground and pound.  Impressive finish by Mein

Result:  Jordan Mein via TKO, Round 1 (4:42)

Antonio Carvalho (15-5) vs. Darren Elkins (15-2) - Round 1:  Brief clinch in the center and the men exchange a few punches and knees.  Shot by Elkins driving Carvalho into the cage, he fights out and the two exchange a few more shots.  Elkin pursues the action.  Combo by Elkins lands, low kick by Carvalho lands.  Takedown attempt by Elkins again, into the cage Carvalho fights out, high kick missed by Carvalho.  Elkins lands a solid right and hurts Carvalho, follow up by Elkins briefly dropping Carvalho who jumps up into a potential early referee stoppage.  Hmmm, Carvalho was on wobbly legs but won could argue the follow up would have been a lot of unnecessary action.

Result:  Darren Elkins via TKO, Round 1 (3:06)

Patrick Cote (18-8) vs. Bobby Voelker (24-8) - Round 1: Lots of cheers for Cote.  The two men begin to trade in the center a bit while moving around the perimeter.  A few strong overhand shots by Cote lands.  They clinch up, Voelker into the fence, Cote holding him while landing a few shots.  Voelker puts Cote on the fence, lands a few strikes, Cote reverses and they break.  Cote loose with a few shot, Voelker lands an  overhand on him.  Takedown after some work by Voelker, Cote works his way to guard and a brief armbar attempt.  Cote spins off the cage working the armbar again staying active off his back.  Voelker continues to work from the top, brief sweep by Cote but he loses position again.  Voelker ends the round on top working a few shots.  Voelker 10-9 based on top control.

Round 2: A wild exchange to start, Cote hit Voelker with a solid overhand shot.  They jockey for position around the center, Cote lands a few overhands and uses kicks to create range.  Voelker pursues Cote into the cage, Cote reverse position and get's Voelker back against the fence, opens up wit some shots.  They move away from the cage towards the center, Voelker lands hard on Cote and moves him back.  Superman jab by Cote.  Several knees by Voelker land, Cote works a takedown on the fence.  Flurry of body shots by Cote, they break and engage in the center, a few shots by Voelker cut Cote on the nose.  Cote works Voelker into the fence, hip throw by Voelker, they work to their feet.  Solid shots by both men to end the round as Cote shoots for a takedown as the horn sounds.  Voelker 10-9.

Round 3: They begin off with some heavy strikes, Cote works Voelker back into the cage.  Cote backs out into a flying kick, partially landing.  More work against the fence as both men starting to look tired out there.  Cote holds Voelker, breaks on a punch, wild exchange, Cote drive Voelker again into cage for takedown, can't get it and Voelker reverse into a takedown of his own.  Top control by Voelker, hammerfists as Cote looks for the armbar again.  Voelker continues to ride the top as Cote tries to work to his feet.  Cote stuck in armlock, taken down again by Voelker.  Cote works another armbar attempt, Voelker on the back still as Cote works the action back to his feet but not too soon before he is taken down again by Voelker.  Cote working for a desperation armbar that isn't there.  Voelker works hammerfists from the top as the horn signals the end of the round.  Voelker 10-9, takes it 30-27 by my count.

Result: 29-28, 29-28, 29-28 Unanimous Decision for Patrick Cote!!!

MAIN CARD (on PPV @ 10 p.m. ET)

Since I was having difficulties live blogging via my iPad, I effective gave up on it by the time the main card came around as the TV with the DVR I ordered the PPV on is not in the same room as my computer...hopefully I get a solution for this resolved for next time.

Colin Fletcher (8-2) vs. Mike Ricci (7-3) - Boring as expected...

Result: 30-27, 30-27, 30-27 Unanimous Decision for Mike Ricci

Chris Camozzi (18-5) vs. Nick Ring (13-1) - Not as boring, but still uneventful...

Result: 29-28, 28-29, 29-28  Split Decision for Chris Camozzi

Jake Ellenberger (28-6) vs. Nate Marquardt (32-11-2) - Finally, violence...

Result: Jake Ellenberger via KO, Round 1 (3:00)

Carlos Condit (28-6) vs. Johny Hendricks (14-1) - Fight of the year candidate...

Result: 29-28, 29-28, 29-28 Unanimous Decision for Johny Hendricks

(c) Georges St-Pierre (23-2) vs. Nick Diaz (26-8) for UFC Welterweight title - Five more rounds of takedown dominance and safe ground and pound for the champ...

Result: 50-45, 50-45, 50-45 Unanimous Decision for Georges St. Pierre to retain UFC Welterweight title

UFC 158: St-Pierre vs. Diaz - Preview and Predictions

Date: March 16, 2013
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Venue: Bell Centre

MAIN CARD (on PPV @ 10 p.m. ET)

(c) Georges St-Pierre (23-2) vs. Nick Diaz (26-8) for UFC Welterweight title - The fight that has taken years to make, that we have been promised and seen promoted before, is finally happening this weekend.  GSP looked pretty good versus Carlos Condit in his first fight back from over year off due to knee surgery, although he was placed in some trouble at several points during the bout.  I think despite the promoting of his pulling from "a dark place", GSP just goes back to the same place he has always gone to, establish and keep distance with the jab to setup a double leg for ground and pound, maybe incorporate some leg kicks like Ben Henderson did against Diaz's brother Nate.  Not very glamorous, but effective enough to get the win and frustrate Diaz for five rounds.  Diaz will be coming off a year suspension due failing his post fight drug test vs Carlos Condit for having marijuana metabolites in his system.  He'll obviously look to use his boxing on GSP, which many might call superior, however I think if the fight does stay standing we could have an interesting affair on our hands between GSP's jab work and Diaz's punches in bunches volume based style.  However, I can't help but be a shill for the 209 on this one and hope to god GSP would just double leg right into a Diaz submission.

Stephen's Pick: Nick Diaz via Submission, Rd. 3 (and now your new UFC WW champion motherfuckers!)

Carlos Condit (28-6) vs. Johny Hendricks (14-1) - As much as I'd love to see Carlos rematch Rory MacDonald, this fight just seems to make more sense or really be more relevant.  Since MacDonald has stated his intention to not fight champion/training partner GSP, why give him top contenders to fight when you can have them throw down?  Condit was the last challenger for the belt while Hendricks has been waiting in the wings for his shot for some time.  This could really be a sleeper for a fight of the night, however I think one of two things happens...either somebody is going to get wrecked (talking violent KO here), or somebody's game is exposed enough for them to lose a lopsided decision.  Despite Hendrick's momentum I think Condit is the more technical fighter and the greater avenues to victory, however an H-Bomb to Condit's chin (very granite like to begin with) might be too much for the Natural Born Killer to handle.

Stephen's Pick: Carlos Condit via Unanimous Decision

Jake Ellenberger (28-6) vs. Nate Marquardt (32-11-2) - While this is still a great fight, I'm a little bummed Ellenberger isn't fighting Hendricks anymore as that was a great potential matchup (and still could be).  I think Marquardt can give Ellenberger lots of problems if Jake can't finish him, however I also worry about Nate's cut to 170 and it's effects on his body as was seen in his last fight in Strikeforce (although that was a championship fight).  I think we see Ellenberger looking to make a statement here in emphatic fashion to position himself for a rematch with Carlos Condit or eventual matchup with Hendricks in the fall.

Stephen's Pick: Jake Ellenberger via TKO, Rd. 1 

Chris Camozzi (18-5) vs. Nick Ring (13-1) - This middleweight bout includes several alumni from a couple TUF seasons past, both fighters are 3-1 in their last 4 scraps in the Octagon and will likely be looking to parley their momentum into a shot at someone in the top 10.  It will likely either be a slow paced boring fight like Fletcher/Ricci has the potential to be or a spirited scrap a few pints short of a slobberknocker, regardless I see Ring's hand being raised.  

Stephen's Pick:  Nick Ring via Unanimous Decision

Colin Fletcher (8-2) vs. Mike Ricci (7-3) - A lightweight battle of TUF runner ups, Fletcher from The Smashes UK vs AUS and Ricci from season 16, will kick off the main card and may sound exciting on paper but more than likely will disappoint.  I see both men fighting cautiously in an effort to secure a roster spot in a stacked division, however I'll give Fletcher the nod for having a better submission game which I hope he utilizes to choke out the chic Canadian hipster. 

Stephen's Pick:  Colin Fletcher via Submission, Rd. 2


PRELIMINARY CARD (on FX @ 8 p.m. ET)

Patrick Cote (18-8) vs. Bobby Voelker (24-8) - Cote is naturally a larger fighter and Voelker is coming off a layoff of over a year at stepped up competition.

Stephen's Pick:  Patrick Cote via TKO, Rd. 2

Antonio Carvalho (15-5) vs. Darren Elkins (15-2) - Can't say I've been overly impressed by Carvalho, Elkins has looked great since dropping to Featherweight.

Stephen's Pick:  Darren Elkins via Unanimous Decision

Jordan Mein (26-8) vs. Dan Miller (14-6) - I give Mein a lot of credit for having as much experience as he does and still being as young, he definitely brings it.  However I think Miller will be too much for him at welterweight in a potential Fight of the Night candidate right here.

Stephen's Pick:  Dan Miller via Submission, Rd. 3

Daron Cruickshank (12-2) vs. John Makdessi (10-2) - Given their flashy striking styles you could be looking at another potential barnburner right here, however I get the feeling they might ultimately nullify each other. 

Stephen's Pick: Daron Cruickshank via Unanimous Decision


PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 6:35 p.m. ET)

Quinn Mulhern (18-2) vs. Rick Story (14-6) - Remember when Rick Story was a contender and on a 6 fight win streak?  Oh that was almost 2 yrs ago, well hopefully he can get back to form once more.

Stephen's Pick: Rick Story via Unanimous Decision

TJ Dillashaw (6-1) vs. Issei Tamura (7-3) - Might as well be a showcase fight for Dillashaw, I get the notion that Tamura is going to be wrestle-fucked to a decision right here.

Stephen's Pick: TJ Dillashaw via Unanimous Decision

Reuben Duran (8-4-1) vs. George Roop (12-9-1) - Roop has had some exciting fights, but more often than not lately has folded under pressure.  I can't say I recall much of Duran either so this is pretty much a toss up in my book.

Stephen's Pick: Reuben Duran via Submission, Rd. 2

Paint it...Red - Splatterhouse Review

Sunday - Bloody Sunday (courtesy wall.alphacoders.com)

Doctor Henry West has taken a keen interest in Rick’s girlfriend Jennifer Willis. The Doc invites Jennifer to his creepy mansion so that he can use her body to reincarnate his lost wife. Rick just so happens to be along for the ride and gets gutted in the process. His survival and chance to save Jennifer is in the form of the ancient Terror Mask, but at what cost?



Splatterhouse is simple: Nerd loves girl, girl gets taken by evil doctor, said nerd must save girl. There’s certainly nothing fancy going on with the plot here, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is a game about blood, tits, and revenge. While the game displays development flaws, the sheer brutality, homage to everything horror, and slick soundtrack are enough to easily warrant this purchase at $12.

Rick smash! (courtesy armchairempire.com)

Splatterhouse is unforgiving for the squeamish and certainly earns every bit of its mature rating. From the moment you pop in the disc you will be faced with gore soaked imagery, foul (but awesome!) language, and brash nudity…because, well, those things are supposed to go together. You see, in between crushing monster’s skulls, ripping off arms for weapons, dropping f-bombs, and removing sphincters, you find these little picture pieces scattered through each of the 12 levels. Most of these turn out to be nude/ topless pics of your girl. I suppose this is awesome if you find motivation in pixelated titty treasure hunts.

The game does know what it is, so don’t go looking for any underlying archetypes here.  This is a “grade A” gore fest with several Easter eggs from your favorite horror and slasher films.  Each of the 12 levels are called “phases” and as you play through them you’ll run into little scenarios akin to Evil Dead II, Friday the 13^th, and The Thing.  Each phase does a decent job of presenting new challenges, locations, and enemies.  The level designs are fairly linear with a few opportunities to explore and occasional platforming.  Every so often you’ll get the chance to do some old school side scrolling action, complete with 8 bit soundtrack.  

Combat is simple and easy enough to dive into.  This is the same type of scheme you've seen in just about every brawler since God of War. Combos are formed by using light and heavy attacks, but there is very little depth here.  Honestly you'd be just as successful, if not more so, by simply mashing buttons.  You eventually unlock additional moves both by playing the campaign and also by spending blood collected during the slaughter.  One unique facet are moves called splatterkills, which can be performed by following on screen command prompts.  These allow Rick to put the finishing touches on a weakened enemy and will range from skull crushes, arm rips, and other fun bodily dismemberment.  Splatterkills add some variety while being reminiscent and over the top like Mortal Kombat Fatalities.

Rick showcasing his intestinal fortitude (courtesy ctrlaltkill.org)

It was not until the 10th phase that Splatterhouse seemed to lack in polish. It was during this phase that the game crashed a few times, contained severe frame-rate issues, and bad game design/direction. While I didn't find myself getting too frustrated, the long load times between deaths and the lack of instruction on how to stay alive could be enough to make one want to chuck their controller at the television. There isn't really an excuse for this, but we are shopping the bargain bin here!


The soundtrack to Splatterhouse is a real face-melter. While you use ghoul guts to mop the floor, you’ll be serenaded by such talented acts as Lamb of God, Goatwhore, and Mastodon to name a few. The music is fitting and well mixed while never getting in the way of the little zingers that Rick and the Mask have. It simply serves the perfect cadence as you unceremoniously rip poor bastards to pieces.  It is unfortunate that acts like Cannibal Corpse, Gwar, and Slayer were not included however.

I told this bastard, "no onions" (courtesy dorkshelf.com)

I found myself very impressed with the voice acting of the game.  Jim Cummings provides the voice for the Mask with the vigor and intensity you've come to know from his other works...you know, like Winnie the Pooh.  Rick and the Mask play off each other very well portraying both comedic and dramatic beats.  Through these interactions, the player gets additional insight about where the Mask came from and its motivation for helping Rick kill stuff.


So is Splatterhouse worth it?  Not for $60, but it is worth trying at the $12 price tag from Amazon.  Plus, there are some bonuses included with completing the campaign such as being able to play all 3 original arcade Splatterhouse titles.  This is certainly a welcome addition and brought back some great memories of my local arcade.  You will also earn challenge arenas as you make progress through the campaign which test your patience for the game.  There are bonuses associated with completing these, including additional pictures of Jennifer's ta tas.

mmmmmm

The Good:  Splatterhouse is full of awesome little touches.  It is an in your face violent brawler full of action, horror homage, and gore-galore. The soundtrack is solid and the inclusion of all 3 original games is certainly enough to justify this purchase at $12 - $15.

The Bad:  Relatively repetitive and no real depth to combat.  The game is not very difficult, but has a few parts that feel cheap.

The Ugly:  Some quality issues toward the end of the game and an uninspired ending sequence.

How much is it worth:  Get it cheap or don't get it!

Jack The Ripper Is Back!

Metal Gear Rising : Revengeance - Review

Cyborg Soldiers are so impressed with Raiden's ninja moves they often give him a hand...and a torso.

If there is one series in all of video games that brings out the fanboy in me it has to be Metal Gear.  Back when I was in high school I waited with eager anticipation for the release of Metal Gear Solid and was introduced to something for the first time in video games that I really had never seen before, a game that was so enthralling not only in the technical execution of it's game play but also had a story that was written and presented so well visually that it instantly raised the bar for anything I played after it.  The series would continue to deliver in spades with each release and I've been marking out for all things Metal Gear ever since.  Sons of the Liberty, the second entry in the Solid series and first on the PS2, of course took it to the next level but was very controversial for it's introduction of a second playable character, Raiden (a.k.a. Jack) early in the story.  Many thought he came off as very whiny and a bit too androgynous to the degree of most heroes you would find in a Final Fantasy game.  However, I personally didn't mind too much and felt for the story he served his purpose.  He would return in Guns of the Patriots, the forth entry, as a half cyborg ninja badass to aid the long time series protagonist Solid Snake and redeem himself from much of his earlier criticisms albeit in a non-playable form.  That's where Metal Gear Rising : Revengeance comes into play as an official series spin off developed by Platinum Games, of Bayonetta fame, now with Raiden as the focus of the story and game play   And unlike the stealth-centric play style of the previous entries, Revengeance's focus is now on speed, timing, precision, and using Raiden's afore mention ninja badassery to literally cut his foes into a million tiny little pieces.

OK first let's get the story out of the way first, it goes from zero to batshit crazy all within the first ten minutes or so, however crazy story lines and improbably situations are the status quo for the series if you've ever played any of the games.  If the plot actually made too much sense it likely wouldn't be considered to be a good Metal Gear game if one at all.  Revengeance also doesn't have the longest playtime either, it easily could be completed within about 6-10 hours depending on difficulty so it doesn't waste it's time getting into yet another master thesis on the inherit dangers of the industrialized military complex that makes the world go round.  Without spoiling any of the details I will say that even though it was not written by series creator, director, and writer Hideo Kojima (who relegated himself to a producer only role this time around) it seems to fit pretty well into general Metal Gear canon playing off the aftermath and themes present in Guns of the Patriots.  The ending likely will leave you scratching your head about question what the hell was happening the whole time but again this is expected with Metal Gear.  In terms of game play  the switch from stealth action to a Devil May Cry mind evisceration of anything living with flash and style is a surprisingly fresh change of pace.  It was hard not to see the updated Raiden in Guns of the Patriots and not yearn for the opportunity to play as the cyborg ninja and want to use his skills to kick everyone's ass.  Revengeance gives you that opportunity in spades as you'll be dashing through each story chapter, katana in hand, cutting the limbs off of fellow cyborg soldier in so many ways it almost becomes an art.  Actually since your performance is graded on each section of every chapter, you will need to learn to leverage your play style in the fastest, cleanest and most brutal way possible it needs to be like art to score the top grade.  Sure that sounds a bit brutal and masochistic but it works, and again these are mostly cyborg soldiers so while you often see blood, you don't really get any guts and it's mostly electronics pouring out of their bodies.  Of course what would a Metal Gear game be without insanely designed and clever boss battles, a hallmark of the series as well, and Revengeance, while short on the quantity delivers in this department as well.  I wouldn't rate them as being the best in the series by any means but they certainly are pretty fun and play off of the new gameplay style as well.  Although a fair warning, the final boss battle sequence the first time around will definitely make you want to throw your controller in frustration if you have not adapted to the precision and timing centric play elements.  

Revengeance, like many of it's predecessors, also offers a good dose of supplemental content in terms of additional difficulties, in game collectibles in several forms that correspond to achievements/trophies and unlocks, as well as VR missions that have always offered additional game play outside of the main story.  The PS3 version offers some additional and exclusive VR missions for it's platform, however I wouldn't be surprised if they are eventually available on the XBox 360 version given additional character skins and missions are just started to roll out for both platform via DLC.  All in all, Revengeance is short, sweet, and brutally to the point with what it is and can be a very fun game to get into, especially if you like to replay a game to the point of becoming a master at it, and for some the game play will certainly offer a little steep in the learning curve as many of the nuances are clearly explained or shown in in-game tutorials.  But it's stuff like that you are kind of seeing a bit less of in more and more game nowadays anyways, too much hand holding of the player.  It's nice when a game every once and a while presents you with a bit of a challenge and tells you, "Tough luck, figure it out."

Metal Gear Rising : Revengeance is currently available for both the Playstation 3 and XBox 360 consoles.  Recommended for fans of Metal Gear, God of War, Devil May Cry, and Bayonetta.  A best buy around $30-40 if possible, however series diehards may want to jump on it at full price if they can't wait.

Lollipop Chainsaw: Cutting Its Own Sparkle Blood Path Through the Bargain Bin

When a game hits the shelves at an “under $20” price in under a year after its release, it usually got there for a good reason. Bargain bin graves are dug quickly to bury bad gameplay, broken mechanics, and poor visuals. In Lollipop Chainsaw’s case, I think that hole was covered up very prematurely. 

Juliet Starling is a normal high school girl. She’s got lots of friends, an adoring boyfriend, stands atop her school’s cheer squad- at competitions – oh and her favorite pastime is cutting up zombies and hordes of the undead with a giant chainsaw that He-Man would have trouble holding.  She can also take dismembered heads and keep them alive with magic spells, save them for later, and put them on decapitated bodies to help her when she needs it. Ya know, the usual stuff.

Suda 51 is behind several “twisted” games and Lollipop Chainsaw straddles the line nicely between a crazy story and fun gameplay.  It would be really easy to let the “wackiness” factor of a game like this get out of hand. I’ve seen it before with many similar types of titles- where the game is driven forward for the sole purpose of shocking people with as much violence and dropping as many F-Bombs as possible (thanks for the “memories” Duke Nukem!) Somewhere between the drawing board and the developer’s hard drive, the story, gameplay, and the attraction of a likable main character is lost. I’m really happy to say that Lollipop Chainsaw succeeds in every area where many other full-price new games fail these days.

I liked the plot a lot. Obviously we aren’t talking about Schindler’s list here in terms of drama and story. The storyline is simple, but effectively told with tongue in cheek humor. Zombies have invaded the High School and surrounding area. Juliet is first on the scene and ready to take care of business when her boyfriend Nick is bitten as well. In a desperate attempt to save his life, Juliet hacks his head off his infected body (with her giant pink chainsaw of course) and fills his head with magic spells so he can live, dangling off a rope off her belt. Not very good luck for Nick, but lucky for us, he adds some comic commentary to the story and makes a surprisingly good sidekick for Juliet. Though Juliet comes off as a bit of a blonde bimbo, overall her character still manages to have a fun personality and a sort of innocence that differentiates her from your typical grizzled “zombie killer” you see in other games and movies. Her family of zombie killers is pretty funny  to watch also.

I especially like the boss characters. Each Zombie boss’s character is more memorable through the crazy music style they represent. You have a Punk-Rock Zombie that screams curse words at you- where the letters spell out and fly at you inflicting damage. A heavy metal Viking Zombie who throws lightning at you from his drums, and a funky, psychedelic, keyboard guitar zombie whose interests include “Rick James and piles of cocaine.” There are a couple other even crazier bosses as well, but I don’t want to spoil anything. On a related note- the soundtrack to this game is amazing. Like the boss themes, it covers the gambit of music from rock, to metal, to funk. Simply put – this is one of the best collections of music I have ever heard inside a game.

Lollipop Chainsaw has gameplay similar to Devil May Cry, you start with a basic move set executed through different combinations of 3 buttons on your controller. As you hack down the hordes of undead, you gain coins that you can spend through in-game shops to upgrade your health, strength,  or get new and spectacular kill moves. It seemed expensive at first, but once you buy a couple of combos that cost 999 coins, you’ll be able to hack through mobs of 32 zombies at a time without much of a problem. Like the DMC “Devil Trigger” Juliet builds up and can activate a “Sparkle Hunting” attack where you can instantly decapitate any of the zombies around you, multiplying your score and the number of coins you get. By killing zombies in stylish fashion, or killing unique zombies, you also get platinum coins that you can use to buy different game collectibles or costumes for Juliet. At the end of a level, you are graded on your performance based on how many coins you collect, how fast you do the level, how many continues you used ect. For obsessive compulsives like myself, it presents a reason to keep upgrading your character and continue to get better scores on the levels and the respective ranked leaderboards. There is also special satisfaction once you are able to decapitate 7 zombies at once with a single swipe of your blade.

 Though it shares some similar gameplay and mechanics, Lollipop chainsaw is NOWHERE near as hard or as punishing as Devil May Cry is.  Getting a “D” ranking in Lollipop chainsaw doesn’t manage to crush my self-esteem the way a “D” in Devil May Cry does. If you give it a little time and effort, Your Juliet will be an efficient zombie slayer getting straight “A’s” in no time. 

To be clear, if you are not into replaying a game several times for the sake of improving past performance, getting revenge on the A-Hole zombies that gave you a hard time on the first playthrough, or achievement hunting, Lollipop chainsaw is a pretty short game. I beat it in about 5 hours in my first run. I got grades on my report cards that would make a meth lab mom be ashamed, but I got it done.  The length is definitely on the wrong side of a $60 price tag. For under $20, the length is fine, and a game you won’t have to commit 30 hours to just to feel like you got your moneys worth.  It’s like taking a little energy drink shot rather than eating a whole tub of sugar to get results.

I do have some issues with the game that I think are worth noting. Some of the moves you eventually buy have similar inputs to other moves, so you end up doing the wrong attack from time to time.  It would have been nice to be able to access the upgrades store from the main map rather than having to be in a mission- it sucks having to start a mission just to buy a new upgrade you can afford. Some of the mini-games and QTE’s you do while progressing through the game are a little tedious and sometimes result in some cheap instant deaths.  Some of the mini sections placing Nick’s head on a zombie body get painful with the QTE instant deaths, however once you see him start dancing around, sometimes I just had to laugh. None of these issues really hinder the game outside of being minor inconveniences on the way to a perfect score.

Overall the game suffers from none of the other pitfalls that many other games suffer from.  Load times are fine, graphics and voice acting are good, and gameplay is solid. This is a great find for me. I love to play a game that I can put into the “complete” pile in under 20 hours and still feel satisfied or even elated with the adventure that took me there. It is a shame that Lollipop Chainsaw got buried so quickly with all of the other better known and better marketed franchise games piling over the top of it. If you want a great game that delivers the goods without emptying your wallet first, check out the cheerleader with the chainsaw, she’ll show you a good time.

The Good The Bad and The Ugly:

Good: Quick and fun gameplay, great characters, good game mechanics

Bad: On the short side if just playing for story, a few cheap death moments

The Ugly: Nothing that ugly gameplay wise, though Punk Zombie Zed's face is pretty ugly- it's actually an improvement when you hack it in half.

How Much is it worth: $20 easily, anything less than that is a steal for this title

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