Paint it...Red - Splatterhouse Review

Sunday - Bloody Sunday (courtesy wall.alphacoders.com)

Doctor Henry West has taken a keen interest in Rick’s girlfriend Jennifer Willis. The Doc invites Jennifer to his creepy mansion so that he can use her body to reincarnate his lost wife. Rick just so happens to be along for the ride and gets gutted in the process. His survival and chance to save Jennifer is in the form of the ancient Terror Mask, but at what cost?



Splatterhouse is simple: Nerd loves girl, girl gets taken by evil doctor, said nerd must save girl. There’s certainly nothing fancy going on with the plot here, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is a game about blood, tits, and revenge. While the game displays development flaws, the sheer brutality, homage to everything horror, and slick soundtrack are enough to easily warrant this purchase at $12.

Rick smash! (courtesy armchairempire.com)

Splatterhouse is unforgiving for the squeamish and certainly earns every bit of its mature rating. From the moment you pop in the disc you will be faced with gore soaked imagery, foul (but awesome!) language, and brash nudity…because, well, those things are supposed to go together. You see, in between crushing monster’s skulls, ripping off arms for weapons, dropping f-bombs, and removing sphincters, you find these little picture pieces scattered through each of the 12 levels. Most of these turn out to be nude/ topless pics of your girl. I suppose this is awesome if you find motivation in pixelated titty treasure hunts.

The game does know what it is, so don’t go looking for any underlying archetypes here.  This is a “grade A” gore fest with several Easter eggs from your favorite horror and slasher films.  Each of the 12 levels are called “phases” and as you play through them you’ll run into little scenarios akin to Evil Dead II, Friday the 13^th, and The Thing.  Each phase does a decent job of presenting new challenges, locations, and enemies.  The level designs are fairly linear with a few opportunities to explore and occasional platforming.  Every so often you’ll get the chance to do some old school side scrolling action, complete with 8 bit soundtrack.  

Combat is simple and easy enough to dive into.  This is the same type of scheme you've seen in just about every brawler since God of War. Combos are formed by using light and heavy attacks, but there is very little depth here.  Honestly you'd be just as successful, if not more so, by simply mashing buttons.  You eventually unlock additional moves both by playing the campaign and also by spending blood collected during the slaughter.  One unique facet are moves called splatterkills, which can be performed by following on screen command prompts.  These allow Rick to put the finishing touches on a weakened enemy and will range from skull crushes, arm rips, and other fun bodily dismemberment.  Splatterkills add some variety while being reminiscent and over the top like Mortal Kombat Fatalities.

Rick showcasing his intestinal fortitude (courtesy ctrlaltkill.org)

It was not until the 10th phase that Splatterhouse seemed to lack in polish. It was during this phase that the game crashed a few times, contained severe frame-rate issues, and bad game design/direction. While I didn't find myself getting too frustrated, the long load times between deaths and the lack of instruction on how to stay alive could be enough to make one want to chuck their controller at the television. There isn't really an excuse for this, but we are shopping the bargain bin here!


The soundtrack to Splatterhouse is a real face-melter. While you use ghoul guts to mop the floor, you’ll be serenaded by such talented acts as Lamb of God, Goatwhore, and Mastodon to name a few. The music is fitting and well mixed while never getting in the way of the little zingers that Rick and the Mask have. It simply serves the perfect cadence as you unceremoniously rip poor bastards to pieces.  It is unfortunate that acts like Cannibal Corpse, Gwar, and Slayer were not included however.

I told this bastard, "no onions" (courtesy dorkshelf.com)

I found myself very impressed with the voice acting of the game.  Jim Cummings provides the voice for the Mask with the vigor and intensity you've come to know from his other works...you know, like Winnie the Pooh.  Rick and the Mask play off each other very well portraying both comedic and dramatic beats.  Through these interactions, the player gets additional insight about where the Mask came from and its motivation for helping Rick kill stuff.


So is Splatterhouse worth it?  Not for $60, but it is worth trying at the $12 price tag from Amazon.  Plus, there are some bonuses included with completing the campaign such as being able to play all 3 original arcade Splatterhouse titles.  This is certainly a welcome addition and brought back some great memories of my local arcade.  You will also earn challenge arenas as you make progress through the campaign which test your patience for the game.  There are bonuses associated with completing these, including additional pictures of Jennifer's ta tas.

mmmmmm

The Good:  Splatterhouse is full of awesome little touches.  It is an in your face violent brawler full of action, horror homage, and gore-galore. The soundtrack is solid and the inclusion of all 3 original games is certainly enough to justify this purchase at $12 - $15.

The Bad:  Relatively repetitive and no real depth to combat.  The game is not very difficult, but has a few parts that feel cheap.

The Ugly:  Some quality issues toward the end of the game and an uninspired ending sequence.

How much is it worth:  Get it cheap or don't get it!